Pages filled cover the floor all covered up with ink
Words written over coffee document my struggling
Those mornings spent sitting alone mourning alone in grief
For all I killed in search of honesty
See I used to be a mustard seed shouting at the mountain
I used to hang my head when it stayed far from the ocean
I used to claim its failure and from the depths of depression
I cried to god but god did not respond
Like a barrel chested strongman I suspended disbelief
I held it high over my head though all the weight was staggering
But legs buckled and muscles burned, in came gravity
I dropped it all, faced what I’d been avoiding
For many years I walked that road, for many years I tried
So earnestly I sought the relationship advertised
But my empty hands, my empty heart, could no longer be denied
Yeah I quit, I forfeit eternal life
I did not take inheritance when I left to go away
I did what was commanded when that rich man asked to be saved
I left my friends my family behind all for heaven’s sake
I am no prodigal and this is no mistake
So I’m sorry mom I’m sorry dad, I really want you to be proud
Don’t want to disappoint you all, don’t want to let you down
But I have stopped searching for truth hiding behind heaven’s cloud
Don’t save my place, of this race I do bow out